Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
A Friend Of Mine Has Started
writing every day--posting notes on Facebook, basically a blog. I am jealous. No matter how often or hard I try, I cannot seem to force myself to write every day. All I want to DO is write, and yet I can't make myself do it daily. And I don't understand why. In any case, I'm trying again. (I wish Blogger had an app like Facebook, so you could look at your "stats" and see how often you had said certain things. I've probably used up more words promised to try and write every day than I have to say everything else put together!)
Part of the problem is that my mind shoots off in so many different directions all the time. I can't focus on any one thing for long enough to write about it unless I am DRIVEN to write about a topic, which is a fairly rare blessing. Like today, for instance.
A couple of weeks ago, I watched "The Invention Of Lying," and one particular moment in the movie touched me so much I wanted to write about it. I didn't, though, because I was somewhat depressed and the topic would have made me cry. Now, I think maybe the moment has passed, because today the sun is shining and the air is warm and I find myself wanting to write about the fact that I just bought an entire new phone because it cost the same amount as if I had bought batteries for the old one. I also want to write about my missing cat, who almost certainly cannot have gotten outside but who I haven't seen in 2 days, and who seemed skinny and finicky the last time I saw her. Is there a dead cat rotting somewhere in my house? I hope not, because I'm not sure I'm equipped to deal with that, and because she is my cuddler and I will miss her, and because I may not find her body, if she has died, before my house starts smelling, and just because I'm tired of saying good-bye.
I think I've gotten the point across about the phone, and I really have no desire to write (or think) anymore about the cat. So we're back to the movie.
First of all, I will say this: the first half of the movie is funnier than hell, but it is really a great movie because it actually MEANS something. During the second half of the movie, the plot gets sort of serious, really, making it something more than your typical romantic comedy, which it is on the surface level. The plot goes something like this:
1) Boy meets girl.
2) Boy and girl go on date, which is extremely awkward because in the world as it is presented in the movie, there is no such thing as the concept of lying and no such word as truth. (Imagine a first date, when everything you say is blunt and completely honest--yikes!)
3) Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy, too, except that she sees no future in their relationship because he is short and rather chubby, and she does not want to have children who are genetically apt to be short and chubby.
4) Boy accidentally learns how to lie, but discovers that it is impossible to explain to anyone what he has done and so everyone believes everything he says. This is in no small part due to the fact that the words truth and lie do not exist, and the statement, "I said something that--wasn't," doesn't have much of an impact.
5) Boy figures out that "saying things that aren't" can make people feel better and gets himself in some hot water, religiously. He also figures out that he can improve everything in his life--his financial situation, his job, his home, everything. He hopes that girl will be duly impressed.
6) Girl is impressed, but she still does not want short, chubby kids. See, everyone knows you are supposed to be thin, and that has to be the truth because truth does not exist. The absence of anything but absolute truth makes opinion a tricky concept, too.
7) Boy discovers that all the lies in the world, whether or not they are called lies, cannot make him anything but short and chubby.
8) Girl meets tall, handsome asshole. She plans to marry him because theit children will not be short and chubby.
(SPOILER ALERT)
9) Girl comes to realization, FINALLY, that short and chubby children can also be happy children, as long as their short and chubby father and their beautiful mother both love them.
10) Boy and girl (and their short, chubby children) live happily ever after.
I also have to say that I watched this movie when I had a case of PMS severe enough that a sideways glance, even if it was a pleasant sideways glance, was enough to make me burst into tears.
There is a scene in the movie, the beginning of a turning point of sorts, where "Girl" is in a schoolyard. (Let me interject that A) I don't remember "Girl" or "Boy"'s names, because I remember movies in scenes and concepts, not in details, and B) therefore, I have no idea what she was doing in a schoolyard. Also, C) Boy and Girl are really Man and Woman, but for the purposes of the story, Boy and Girl work better.) She comes upon a (chubby) little boy who is upset and stops to talk to him, presumably because she feels sorry for him. She asks him what his name is.
"I'm Fat Bobby," he says. Well, maybe he said "Chubby Frank" or "Hefty Peter." I told you, I don't remember details.
"Girl" is horrified and kneels down in front of the child.
"You're not Fat Bobby," she tells him. "You're so much more than that. You're Bobby with a great smile and a kind heart and..." She lists several other positive qualities. Everything doesn't change right there, but (SPOILER ALERT) eventually, boy and girl end up together.
Everthing DID change right there, forgetting for a moment that we're talking about a movie, for the little boy, though. How do I know? Because I have spent my whole life being Fat Emily.
That one scene made me cry so hard I thought my eyeballs might be washed out of my head along with my tears. If someone had knelt down before me on the playground, when I was a kid, and told me that I was more than just Fat Emily, my whole life might have been different.
In gym class, it was "I can't do chin-ups or run laps; I'm Fat Emily."
in middle school, it was "I can't go to the mall and hang out with friends; no one likes me because I'm Fat Emily."
In high school, it was "I can't be asked out on dates, go to dances, be loved; I'm Fat Emily."
Even now, even though I know better, I still find myself not playing volleyball with a group of friends, not showing interest in men I am interested in, not using my talents as well as I should, not doing a thousand things, because deep in my heart, I am still Fat Emily.
It wasn't until I was older, until I discovered Camryn Mannheim, the Internet, Marilyn Wann, the National Association for the Advancement of Fat Acceptance, that it ever occurred to me that I could be more than Fat Emily.
When I was a kid, I had adults who encouraged me. My parents, for the most part, instilled in me the belief that I could accomplish whatever I wanted to, if I just worked hard enough. There were plenty of teachers who told me I was a good writer, intelligent, hard working, all kinds of positive things. But the other kids just told me I was fat. And since my parents and teachers never acknowledged that, I always added a disclaimer to what they said. I could accomplish whatever I wanted to, if I just worked hard enough and lost weight. I was a good writer, and intelligent, and hard working, and I could use those things to accomplish my goals, if I just got skinny first. And so now, I find myself thinking (not consciously, but if I dig deep enough, I can find the notion) that I have to be thin before I can have a good job, fall in love, have children, accomplish anything.
I wish that, just once during my childhood, an adult had said to, "Yes, you're fat. Big deal. Fat people can be good writers, fat people can be intelligent, fat people can have good jobs, fat people can get married, fat people can do anything they want to, just like skinny people and black people and white people and gay people and straight people and tall people and short people and every other kind of people in the world. And so can you." (Even more, I wish that all of that were really true.)
All I can do is move forward. I can try to shed what has been ingrained in me since childhood and finally believe that, fat or not, I can make things happen. And I can, if confronted by a chubby child who is feeling alone and uncapable, acknowledge that child's differences and encourage him or her to celebrate them, just as I would any other child. Acknowledgement is the key.
And I can write every day, so that my point of view is out there and I can influence others. (How's that for making this thing hang together?)
Part of the problem is that my mind shoots off in so many different directions all the time. I can't focus on any one thing for long enough to write about it unless I am DRIVEN to write about a topic, which is a fairly rare blessing. Like today, for instance.
A couple of weeks ago, I watched "The Invention Of Lying," and one particular moment in the movie touched me so much I wanted to write about it. I didn't, though, because I was somewhat depressed and the topic would have made me cry. Now, I think maybe the moment has passed, because today the sun is shining and the air is warm and I find myself wanting to write about the fact that I just bought an entire new phone because it cost the same amount as if I had bought batteries for the old one. I also want to write about my missing cat, who almost certainly cannot have gotten outside but who I haven't seen in 2 days, and who seemed skinny and finicky the last time I saw her. Is there a dead cat rotting somewhere in my house? I hope not, because I'm not sure I'm equipped to deal with that, and because she is my cuddler and I will miss her, and because I may not find her body, if she has died, before my house starts smelling, and just because I'm tired of saying good-bye.
I think I've gotten the point across about the phone, and I really have no desire to write (or think) anymore about the cat. So we're back to the movie.
First of all, I will say this: the first half of the movie is funnier than hell, but it is really a great movie because it actually MEANS something. During the second half of the movie, the plot gets sort of serious, really, making it something more than your typical romantic comedy, which it is on the surface level. The plot goes something like this:
1) Boy meets girl.
2) Boy and girl go on date, which is extremely awkward because in the world as it is presented in the movie, there is no such thing as the concept of lying and no such word as truth. (Imagine a first date, when everything you say is blunt and completely honest--yikes!)
3) Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy, too, except that she sees no future in their relationship because he is short and rather chubby, and she does not want to have children who are genetically apt to be short and chubby.
4) Boy accidentally learns how to lie, but discovers that it is impossible to explain to anyone what he has done and so everyone believes everything he says. This is in no small part due to the fact that the words truth and lie do not exist, and the statement, "I said something that--wasn't," doesn't have much of an impact.
5) Boy figures out that "saying things that aren't" can make people feel better and gets himself in some hot water, religiously. He also figures out that he can improve everything in his life--his financial situation, his job, his home, everything. He hopes that girl will be duly impressed.
6) Girl is impressed, but she still does not want short, chubby kids. See, everyone knows you are supposed to be thin, and that has to be the truth because truth does not exist. The absence of anything but absolute truth makes opinion a tricky concept, too.
7) Boy discovers that all the lies in the world, whether or not they are called lies, cannot make him anything but short and chubby.
8) Girl meets tall, handsome asshole. She plans to marry him because theit children will not be short and chubby.
(SPOILER ALERT)
9) Girl comes to realization, FINALLY, that short and chubby children can also be happy children, as long as their short and chubby father and their beautiful mother both love them.
10) Boy and girl (and their short, chubby children) live happily ever after.
I also have to say that I watched this movie when I had a case of PMS severe enough that a sideways glance, even if it was a pleasant sideways glance, was enough to make me burst into tears.
There is a scene in the movie, the beginning of a turning point of sorts, where "Girl" is in a schoolyard. (Let me interject that A) I don't remember "Girl" or "Boy"'s names, because I remember movies in scenes and concepts, not in details, and B) therefore, I have no idea what she was doing in a schoolyard. Also, C) Boy and Girl are really Man and Woman, but for the purposes of the story, Boy and Girl work better.) She comes upon a (chubby) little boy who is upset and stops to talk to him, presumably because she feels sorry for him. She asks him what his name is.
"I'm Fat Bobby," he says. Well, maybe he said "Chubby Frank" or "Hefty Peter." I told you, I don't remember details.
"Girl" is horrified and kneels down in front of the child.
"You're not Fat Bobby," she tells him. "You're so much more than that. You're Bobby with a great smile and a kind heart and..." She lists several other positive qualities. Everything doesn't change right there, but (SPOILER ALERT) eventually, boy and girl end up together.
Everthing DID change right there, forgetting for a moment that we're talking about a movie, for the little boy, though. How do I know? Because I have spent my whole life being Fat Emily.
That one scene made me cry so hard I thought my eyeballs might be washed out of my head along with my tears. If someone had knelt down before me on the playground, when I was a kid, and told me that I was more than just Fat Emily, my whole life might have been different.
In gym class, it was "I can't do chin-ups or run laps; I'm Fat Emily."
in middle school, it was "I can't go to the mall and hang out with friends; no one likes me because I'm Fat Emily."
In high school, it was "I can't be asked out on dates, go to dances, be loved; I'm Fat Emily."
Even now, even though I know better, I still find myself not playing volleyball with a group of friends, not showing interest in men I am interested in, not using my talents as well as I should, not doing a thousand things, because deep in my heart, I am still Fat Emily.
It wasn't until I was older, until I discovered Camryn Mannheim, the Internet, Marilyn Wann, the National Association for the Advancement of Fat Acceptance, that it ever occurred to me that I could be more than Fat Emily.
When I was a kid, I had adults who encouraged me. My parents, for the most part, instilled in me the belief that I could accomplish whatever I wanted to, if I just worked hard enough. There were plenty of teachers who told me I was a good writer, intelligent, hard working, all kinds of positive things. But the other kids just told me I was fat. And since my parents and teachers never acknowledged that, I always added a disclaimer to what they said. I could accomplish whatever I wanted to, if I just worked hard enough and lost weight. I was a good writer, and intelligent, and hard working, and I could use those things to accomplish my goals, if I just got skinny first. And so now, I find myself thinking (not consciously, but if I dig deep enough, I can find the notion) that I have to be thin before I can have a good job, fall in love, have children, accomplish anything.
I wish that, just once during my childhood, an adult had said to, "Yes, you're fat. Big deal. Fat people can be good writers, fat people can be intelligent, fat people can have good jobs, fat people can get married, fat people can do anything they want to, just like skinny people and black people and white people and gay people and straight people and tall people and short people and every other kind of people in the world. And so can you." (Even more, I wish that all of that were really true.)
All I can do is move forward. I can try to shed what has been ingrained in me since childhood and finally believe that, fat or not, I can make things happen. And I can, if confronted by a chubby child who is feeling alone and uncapable, acknowledge that child's differences and encourage him or her to celebrate them, just as I would any other child. Acknowledgement is the key.
And I can write every day, so that my point of view is out there and I can influence others. (How's that for making this thing hang together?)
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I Just Wanted To Say Thanks!
If you voted for me at the address listed in my last post, thanks!!! I am currently number one on the leaderboard--only 5 more days of voting!
In light of all the excitement, you'd think I'd be posting more often. And you would obviously be wrong! :) I have thought of a thousand things to write about, like always, but I've always had something more pressing to do or an audience more demanding to write for.
I'm off to watch Ellen Degeneres, one of my fave celebs, on American Idol, one of my favorite shows, right now. So, sorry, you'll have to wait. But soon, I promise, I will post more of substance!
And in the meantime, thanks again!
In light of all the excitement, you'd think I'd be posting more often. And you would obviously be wrong! :) I have thought of a thousand things to write about, like always, but I've always had something more pressing to do or an audience more demanding to write for.
I'm off to watch Ellen Degeneres, one of my fave celebs, on American Idol, one of my favorite shows, right now. So, sorry, you'll have to wait. But soon, I promise, I will post more of substance!
And in the meantime, thanks again!
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