Three Things

really make me come alive- writing, politics, and American Idol. Writing is always around, politics is almost on a little sabbatical, and American Idol is back!

I almost missed the premiere- oh, the horror!

I needed a little human contact today. Just a little. Sometimes the fact that there isn't anybody I can just touch- someone whose shoulder I can place my hand on, whose hair I can ruffle, who's hand I can cover with mine as I talk- hurts so bad I can't stand it anymore. And so I made plans to see three different guys between yesterday and today. I was going to go visit Manistique yesterday and the Sandwich in Green Bay in the afternoon today, and when Appleton heard that I was going to be in the area, he decided he wanted to see me too, so I was going to see him this morning. Manistique got sick, so that plan died. Then there was snow and the Sandwich decided it wasn's safe for me to come see him because the roads were bad. I came anyway, because Appleton was still willing. Everyone kinda teased me because I had all these plans with different guys, but I did it because I knew. None of them really care about me that much. None are good friends. In fact, I haven't even me the Sandwich in person. And the fact that I wanted to badly to touch someone made me intent on getting here and seeing someone who would put an arm around me, touch me for a few minutes, let me feel connected with the world again. I had no idea that American Idol was starting tonight until I heard it on the radio on the way here.

And then I panicked. A man- and remember that men, although I do like several of them, are not on my list of things that make me come alive- almost distracted me to the point of missing American Idol! It's okay- I managed to find a way to watch it. Life as I know it is not over. But I can't believe I almost missed it.

I don't know why I like American Idol so much. I think it has to do with the fact that people who are average, every day people have a chance to make it big. I don't sing- not without hurting anyone within hearing range, anyway- but I dream of having one moment in which my entire life breaks through the barriers that have been put up and finally making it. And it's fun to watch someone go from being one of millions to being THE one- you get to feel like you know them, and so when they succeed, you feel like you are succeeding too. And the bad singers are just sort of fun.

It's been a long journey, from May to January. I've waited a long time. But American Idol is back. I almost missed it because of my weird need to feel connected with someone, but I got to feel connected to someone for a few minutes and I got to see American Idol and I'm writing right now and I'm going to Washington next week to see Barack Obama become our president and for a few days, life is right.

I could do with some more touch, though.