I Have A Gazillion Things To Do Today

But I'm not doing any of them. I have a little extra energy, for the first time in a very long time, and I should use it to:

• clean my bedroom
• clean my bathroom, quickly, before my father wakes up
• clean out my car
• clean up my yard
• do laundry

I am not doing any of these things. Why? My father would say it's because I'm lazy. My grandmother would probably say that it's because my mother was not a very good mother and didn't teach me to do these things. My friends would say it's just me being me. Only I know the real reason.

It's because I'm dreamy today. My thoughts are soaring among the clouds and for once, they are not sad thoughts, depressing thoughts. They are wistful, but they are hopeful. That's what the energy has done for me. And I don't want to do anything to chase those thoughts away, because if I do, then the ones that replace them might be the old, black, depressing, painful thoughts. And so I lie here dreaming.

I think, though, that as difficult as it is, I have to rejoin the real world. I can't spend all day lying on my bed with the window open and my eyes closed and my nose buried in a pillow so I can pretend that my house is clean and my life is together and that I deserve to have time for wistful, hopeful thoughts.

I must go.